1 litre Of Tears ( Ichi Rittoru no Namida )

"Okaasan...will I be able to get married?"
“Just being alive is such a lovely and wonderful thing."

It’s stories like these that reminds me how lucky I am to be alive, and that’s not such a bad thing, now is it?

This series is based on the true story of a girl named Aya Kito who was stricken by a cruel disease called Spinocerebellar Degeneration. This disease affects Aya’s nervous system and as the name suggests, it poses a degeneration of her movements, and will eventually affect her mobility, speech, and even her ability to eat before she succumbs to a comatose state and finally, death. The theme of this series is very bleak but the overall tone in which the series conveys is, in spite of some tearjerking scenes, are very heartwarming. Aya Kito’s diary was made into a bestselling book (So far, over 18,000,000 copies of her diary have been sold) and the series follows her trials and tribulations as she struggles to find hope, strength and courage to face such a devastating disease.

At the beginning of the series, Aya (Erika Sawajiri) is a normal 15-year old with high hopes of having the time of her life in high school. She is the eldest child in her family. Her mother, Shouka, is a nutritionist who works in a clinic. Her father, Mizu, owns a tofu shop. Aya also has three siblings: Ako, her younger sister who seems to harbour a jealous streak toward her, her brother Hiroki and youngest sister, Rikka. The Ikeuchi’s are a typical middle-class Japanese family. At home, Aya is the beloved daughter of her parents. At school, Aya is well-liked by her peers, is extremely bright because she passed her admittance exams to land a position at a reputable high school, and she made it onto the high school basketball team. On top of all this, Aya’s crush is finally paying attention to her and has even asked her on a date! Just when everything is starting to fall into place for her, tragedy strikes. Aya slowly realizes that her limbs cannot be controlled at will. If she wants to move, she can’t. If she wants to see, her vision is blurred. And thus begins Aya Ikeuchi’s journey towards realizing, accepting and finally understanding that her young life — so full of promise and hope — will be destroyed by a cruel illness that will entrap her within a body that will no longer be of any use to her.

Title in Japanese: Ichi Ritoru no Namida
Title in English: 1 Litre of Tears

Cast:

Erika Sawajiri as Aya Ikeuchi
Nashikido Ryo as Haruto Asou
Fujiki Naohito as Aya’s neurologist
Yakushimaru Hiroko as Shouka Ikeuchi, Aya’s mother
Jinnai Takanori as Mizu Ikeuchi, Aya’s father

From Aya Kito’s diary...

Friends

I saw the sunset.The big red....
It quickly sank like a small sparkler firework that falls quickly, but it had a clear brightness to it.
The color was really beautiful. It was the color of an apple. Y-ko-chan and I said "Isn't it so pretty?" to each other and we're speechless after that. We saw a trail of an airplane shining in the red sunset.
I think Y-ko-chan is a really good person.
When I told her I wanted to study at her house, she strictly said no. I was so sure that she was going to say yes.
If I was in her shoes, I wouldn't be able to turn her down, and I wouldn't be able to study at my own pace, later regretting that I had said yes.
Basically, I lack self-control.
If I said that my physical handicap and my self-control is connected, would that be considered an excuse?
It makes me happy that there is someone that can say what they think and that there is someone who listens to what you have to say.
Friends treat each other equally so I'm grateful.
S-chan told me, "I started reading because of you."
That made me feel happy. It's okay if I feel that I wasn't just a trouble to my friends...right?
"Aya-chan, you were crying alot that one time remember? You were so cute."
"Really? Wow... no one has ever told me that before. But I saw myself in the mirror when I was crying before...and that wasn't a pretty sight."
"Well, I didn't see your face. The way you cried was cute."
"Haha that was harsh!"
What was cute wasn't my face, but the atmosphere I gave when I was crying. We both laughed.
Friends are so cool. I wanna be with them forever.

The blank two hours (The time I wait at the candy shop)

It's scary how this two hours passes with me just daydreaming as I watch the people coming in and listening to their conversations. Ahh~ I'm wasting time.

When I took the bus to school, it was a pain, but I felt more like a "human."

I was walking (although my friend was supprting me).
I felt someone looking at me.
I kept on walking feeling a little uneasy.
Watching my back with arrogance and vanity, I heard a voice, "How sad...Is she stupid?"

........

I got a fever. 102 degrees. Am I going to die? No! I can't lose to an illness! I miss my mom and family.
Man~ every time I try to take a step forward this always happens! It seems like this mental and physical unbalance is gonna last forever. I'm scared of getting old. I'm only 16 years old.

I only have couple more shots to go. Then I'll finally be able to get out of the hospital...supposedly. Usually, it's a happy thing but it's different with me. When I first started the shots, I suffered from the side effects(nausea/headaches). My doctor said that the shots helped, but my expectation of being able to walk as I used to, doesn't seem like it was met. Now I have another notebook to keep other than my school diary... the notebook for physically handicapped people. My illness is where the cerebellum's cell takes over me physically, making it hard for me to move, and this illness was discovered about one hundred years ago. Why did the illness choose me? The word fate isn't a good enough explanation!

.........

I'm still so young and look at my body...
I felt so miserable that my tears started to fall.
I shouldn't say anything anymore. After writing what I wanted to write, I felt alot better.

The reason why I study so hard is because this is the only thing I'm good at. If you take studying away from me, all that's left is this useless body. I don't want to feel this way. It's sad, and harsh, but this is reality. I don't care if I'm stupid, I just want a healthy body.

......

My Diagnosis

I can't make loud noises anymore. I dunno if my abdominal muscle got weaker or if my breathing capacity is getting smaller.

Maybe because I'm limited with where I can go, but I don't even know what I want anymore. But... I want to do something. I wanna do something so badly that I can't stand it. My hands and feet are being tightly bounded. People being nice to me is a pain for me.

Y-ko-chan came with me to the bathroom. I made her 5 minutes late. After my feelings of "I'm so sorry! I'm really sorry!"

the anger of "Why can't I do this simple thing on my own? I feel so stupid and frustrated!" just builds up inside me.

A victim is a human that has a heart too!
Not being able to hear is not a misfortune. It's convenient.
I want to be happy, so I have to find something that I can compete equally, with a normal person. You're only 16. You're still young so try harder!

During homeroom, we had the picking of the different officers. 45classmates, 44officers.
I didn't want to think that I was left out, so I decided to do an angel's job. I can pick up trash that's left on the ground, and even close the window. If I put myself into it, I can do alot of things.

I'm about to lose to the sickness.
No! I'm not gonna lose! No matter how hard I try and act happy, when I see my teacher, sisters, brother, and my friends walking normally, I feel miserable.

I wanted to see something that would touch my heart, so I went to go watch a marathon by myself. But, it only made me feel more depressed. I felt a melancholy feeling in "Running." My friends are going to leave me. I started to realize what a big handi it is to have a unhealthy body.

I decided to read my favorite book while sitting out during P.E.
I try to copy what I can get out from the book, "Hello Miss(Ojyousan Konnichiwa)," (Kusanagi Taizou).
Right now, I'm reading "I'm 20years old (Bokuwa 20sai)," (Oka Shinji) with the thought that I will never commit suicide.

I cannot live without thinking. I can't just simply say, "Oh well~."
Even walking....I think about what the best way of walking for me is, or if the path I'm taking isn't too rough for me, or cleaning as well... I think of ways I can do it on my own, in the most efficient way...
Even I feel pity for Aya.
But on the other hand there's good things too!
I can't go on without thinking that.

My body is becoming stiffer. I dunno if it's because it's getting colder, or because my sickness is getting worse, but I fall even when I'm holding onto something. It's too dangerous for me to go out into the road. Now my mom has to drive me to school. Before going to work, she drops me off at school. I hang onto her shoulder for support and she takes me to the shoe cupboard. While I put on the Uwagutsu (Everyone else has slippers), my mom runs to my classroom on the second floor to drop off my school bag and lunch. Then I just slowly walk up to my class hanging onto the rail. After school I wait until 6 'o clock at the candy shop across the street from school. The lady at the candy shop kindly told me, "You can go inside and do your homework or read." Kids who are just going home from school, because of sports, come to the shop so it's a little embarassing, but I put up with it because there's no other choice. I fell again while walking to my class. I got a slight cut on my right temple. S-chan helped me up. Before I can say "Thank you," tears started falling out of my eyes and I couldn't make it into words...

Thanks to Kiwi who translate the diary, thanks again!